 |
 |
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|||||||||||||||||||
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I want another baby, but I love sleep more. Am I a bad person? Tick, Tock. Tick, Tock. My biological clock is ticking so loud, sometimes it’s all I can hear. To top that off, my daughter is already turning 5 next week, so if I want her to have a close enough relationship with a sibling, we should be trying as I write this! But I can’t help feeling pressured as well as unsure. We finally have things clicking as a family, just the three of us. It took us long enough for one, do I really want to add another cog of complication to our lives right now? Some days, my husband and I feel that we’re barely keeping on top of what we have going on now. I have been told often that nothing will change your life more than your first child. After that, what’s one more monkey in a barrel of monkeys? I have also been told it gets easier when there is two versus one because they occupy one another. If that is true, than I REALLY want to have another baby.
|
When I discussed this with my mother, I was very disappointed. She said if I had a second child, I should plan to quit my job. Just like that! It really crushed me. I have to remind myself that my mother comes from a different generation. Back then, your only joy or sense of accomplishment had to come from babies, cooking and home. The idea of accomplishment from a successful new business win or spectacular creative presentation was unheard of. She sees it as just a paycheck. I see it as so much more-and that “more” I just can’t toss aside like I did my job at Kinko’s in college. It is just as rewarding as seeing my child take her first steps. They both are equally important to who I am. The other aspect of her comment that bothered me is that to my mother, the fact that it’s OK to work with one child is fine, but two is unacceptable. What is the difference? If it is bad to do, than why is it OK with only one? Or did she secretly disapprove with my past 5 years of being a working mom and is now saying it? This puts all kinds of doubts in my head as I process my argument. Why do I care? Good question. I think we all, deep down, want approval from our mothers, especially when it comes to mothering. And finally, there is the fact if sleep deprivation with newborns. When I think of the trials and tribulations of newborns, I shudder. There is such joy and wonder in bringing a newborn home. But it is also a heap of work. It takes energy and stamina that I had 5 years ago, but do I have it now? Does my husband? We have grown accustomed to our sleep again. I don’t want to give it up! It is a short, magical time that in the grand scheme of things, goes very fast. Before you know it, you are celebrating their one year birthday. So if it is that painful, at least its short! Part of me is deeply saddened by these internal arguments. Saddened in the fact that I wouldn’t even be having them had I not miscarried two babies before I carried my daughter to term. She might have a brother or sister already and our family would be complete now. I have to find solace that everything happens for a reason and that two angels in heaven are looking out for their sister everyday. So, the internal argument for and against to have a second baby will continue on in my heart and head. Perhaps God will make the decision for us? I know my husband struggles with the same feelings. I know we can’t wait that long, either. Deep down, I know we want to have another baby–a sibling for our daughter. Someone she has a connection to home and hearth with once my husband and I are gone. Together, they can support and help each other when we have passed on. They will always have each other, regardless of what the world throws at them. I deeply know we will try, hope and pray that God blesses us with a second child. I know my husband will hope for a boy. And I…I will hope it sleeps through the night quickly! We can only hope.
|
©2007 Flora Caputo |
|